September 17 – I will be doing a lot of backtracking
on this update since I have not written in such a very long time. Let’s
start with the present.
The twins now have their “hats”! Nipple reconstruction surgery
was on Wednesday the 15th and it was much easier than I expected. Gave
the doctors “the recipe” for the anesthesia and once again
no nausea whatsoever!!!!!!!!!!!! The anesthesiologist said it was pretty
much the Zofran and then the Decadron and that the Reglan was to clean
out my tummy of anything that might be lurking to make me nauseous. I
can tell you that combo works for me! Can’t see anything yet, just
a lot of bandages. No heavy lifting or pulling for awhile so looks like
hurricane debris will have to wait a while longer. I can take the bandages
off my tummy tomorrow and will report on what the areas look like as that
is where he took the skin to make my new areolas. My boobs are not sore
at all since there is really no feeling there anymore and my tummy feels
like I got cut and is just a little sore. I am taking it easy though just
to be on the safe side. I can bathe after today from the waist down. I
see Dr. J. on Monday to get the bandages off my chest except for maybe
the ones he stitched onto my skin! No typo there! I asked him what happened
if the bandages fell off by themselves before Monday and he said they
couldn’t because the main ones were sewn on and I said “Sewn
on to what , my skin?!!!” and he said “Yes” much to
my amazement! I will definitely be reporting in depth on this one! Sounds
like I may not get to see the twins’ hats for a while yet! I did
ask what complications could occur since he wants me home for a month
to heal and he said the chances of these were very low but they still
were possibilities – the nipple could die and fall off (Gross!)
the skin graft could possibly not “take” and would wither
(Gross again!) and the area of the skin graft could become infected. So,
keep your fingers crossed for me! Now that I have nipples and areolas
again I would very much like to keep them! I imagine I will become a bit
emotional when I see them for the first time. I always viewed the twins
as not quite finished when I saw myself in the mirror. It already feels
good to know I will look more “normal” now. It is only important
to the persons themselves how they want reconstruction to be and how it
makes them feel – not anything to do with anyone else’s opinion
on what they should or shouldn’t do. Lots of women opt for tattooing
the areola around the reconstructed nipple, some have both the nipple
and the areola tattooed on and some do nothing at all. It is what make
the person feel the best about the whole situation that is important,
not how or why they chose one way over another. I’m still not sure
if I will have any tattooing done as I am still going braless! I told
Dr. J. not to give me permanent “frog eyes” and he laughed
and said they would be sticking out there for awhile but would eventually
settle down.
The hospital part also went really well, had some of the same nurses
as when I was there for my implant surgery in January and they remembered
me. Do you remember the story about the nurse who made me the wonderful
handmade card and gave it to Dr. J to give to me? Well, ordinarily I would
never see her again because she works Inpatient surgery so I met her when
I had my mastectomy surgery in August 2003 ( can you believe it has been
over a year ago now!) and now my surgeries at that hospital are all Outpatient.
Well she broke her wrist and is temporarily working the front admission
desk for Outpatient Surgery and was there on Wednesday so Dr, J went and
got her and asked me if I wanted company when I was in recovery and I
figured it had to be her so I said “Yes!” and she came in
and we chatted for about 15 minutes. What fun! Now that we have met on
a more social basis and have exchanged names and addresses, I feel she
will become a new friend. If Dr. J. ever gets the gallery going she and
I will be a part of it. He says it is still on the back burner and not
to give up on him.
On to back news now. The recent hurricanes left us with no house damage,
Jennifer’s was fine too but she was without power longer than we
were. My garden was hard hit and we lost four trees. We were without power
for four days with Charley and about that with Frances but Harold had
gotten a generator before Charley so we had fans, lights and the fridge
was always running. I should say “they” instead of “we”
since I was gone for both of the hurricanes! I was in Columbus, Ohio at
a convention for Hurricane Charley and was in Dallas, Texas visiting Jaime
and her family for Frances! Jennifer and her cat came to our house for
each hurricane and she and Harold held down the fort! Harold said if I
had not made my plans so early he would be very suspicious at my being
gone for each hurricane! He was telling people that he lived with a hurricane
all year (meaning me!) and that if one came along named Margot he was
leaving me here and he was going to leave town! I think that was supposed
to be funny!
I am still seeing the therapist on a weekly basis and have to say I look
forward to the sessions. It is like spring housecleaning in a way, you
look at things you have been storing for years and if you don’t
need it or it is harmful you find a way to get rid of it or to neutralize
it. It is stressful but very liberating at the same time. I must say it
is extremely interesting to see into yourself and I know I never would
have done this if it had not been for the breast cancer. I believe I mentioned
that the therapist is a breast cancer survivor herself so we started out
with that common bond. We rarely talk about the breast cancer though,
I told her I really felt I handled that part okay, it was my life and
thoughts that seemed to be spinning out of control back in the Spring.
The first counselor that Dr. M. sent me to was good but she was a Cancer
Counselor and we talked a lot about that and I told her, too, that I didn’t
think that the cancer itself was my problem. I must say that the difference
in talking to a social worker counselor and a licensed psychotherapist
is like night and day. Debbie says her method is not to just treat the
current problems but to find the root of them and treat that and the current
problems then take care of themselves. If you ever have the opportunity
to have some counseling, for whatever reason, do it – it feels great!
I used to be one of “those people” who thought that counseling
was for “other” people that were not as strong minded as I
was. Not the case at all my friends, I am still a very strong woman and
that will not change, I am just finding out what makes me strong and how
to continue living my life to the fullest. I was not ready at all for
this during my cancer treatment and initial surgeries, I guess your body
tells you when it has had enough and that it needs some help and thank
heavens I have a wonderful oncologist that recognized that when I didn’t
see it myself and made me get some help. I think I would have crashed
if I hadn’t, so please don’t hesitate to accept or even seek
out counseling if you are having any difficulties dealing with your own
illness or caring for someone you love.
On to the herniated disc back problem – That seems to have calmed
down finally. I finished the series of cortisone shots (nasty, nasty things)
and Dr. R. gave me a nerve test (that was nasty, too!) but the good news
is that I have no nerve damage and it is now just a bit inflamed and he
feels it will dissipate within a month. That has been going on since July
3! Am finally sleeping in the bed again (except for the last couple of
nights due to surgery and my tummy hurting) so feel that getting that
problem taken care of will take some of the stress out of my life. Lord
knows I have quite enough right now!
Diabetes – Am finally getting used to poking myself
in the finger twice a day and it looks as though I am getting much better
control over my blood sugar. I did the first part of the Diabetes class
at the hospital on Sunday the 12th and have the second part this coming
Sunday, the 19th. Jennifer is going with me so two people hear what is
being said. I must say it was not nice and I was in tears quite a few
times that day. The first part of this class is all about diabetes and
what can happen to you if you do not learn to control it. The nurse did
say that aside from genetics and lifestyle that illness and chemo can
bring on diabetes. I really did lose it then. I have felt that this was
almost worse than breast cancer since I will have to deal with it every
day for the rest of my life. I have been very upset over the diagnosis
in July and of course it has preyed upon my mind every minute of the day
for weeks now but last night I had an epiphany! Maybe this will turn out
to be a blessing in disguise (big, major, mean disguise!). Instead of
doing more damage to my body I have the chance to stop it in its tracks
and halt future problems. I may even end up with a trimmer figure! I will
certainly be much healthier! I already am walking at least 1 ½
miles a day for six days a week and soon I will be able to get back to
my gardening. It is no longer an option for me to do these things. I must
walk for both my back and for the diabetes to be under control and I must
watch what and how I eat to stay alive and healthy. In the second part
of the class we are learning all about the nutrition part and will have
meal plans designed for each of us, individually. I plan on passing on
information in these updates as I feel that diabetes information is just
as important as breast cancer information and it affects all of us.
Now for the saddest news of all – we had to have our darling D.O.G
put to sleep on August 26th the same day I saw Dr. P for my year check-up
after my mastectomy surgery, I was fine by the way. D.O.G had just turned
14 and we have had her since she was two months old. She had a brain tumor
diagnosed in June and the vet had given her about two years depending
on how fast the tumor grew and how it affected her nervous system. She
was taking Phenobarbital for preventing seizures and medicine for her
arthritis. She had also lost her hearing but aside from all that was doing
just fine on a daily basis. I noticed on Tuesday that she was looking
at me with her head cocked to one side and so I petted her asked her what
she wanted and then went on about my business. Later on I noticed that
her head was still cocked and that her body seemed a bit “off”
and told Harold we needed to keep an eye on her. Wednesday morning she
seemed better but began to fade during the day – just listless.
Took her to the vet on Thursday morning because she looked worse to me
and by Thursday afternoon we had to put her to sleep. She never complained
her whole life if she was in pain unless he got something stuck in her
paw so you never knew she felt bad and this time she had a ruptured spleen
and all her blood supply was going there so that is why she was so listless.
She also suffered neural damage which was why her head cocked. They could
have treated that but surgery would have been necessary for the spleen
and she wouldn’t have survived the surgery or been in considerable
pain after and not have survived long after that. We chose not to have
her suffer and Harold and Jen and I were there as she passed on. I am
crying again now as I am writing this, it was so hard to see her go, but
you could see in her eyes that she was ready. She lifted her poor head
and looked at each of us, right in our eyes, and then laid her head down
like she was ready. We all were hugging her as her spirit left. The vet
was teary eyed, too. We brought her home and she is buried in the garden
next to C.A.T.
It has not been a good couple of months for us here. I am very grateful
for the opportunity to be able to talk with someone who is not a friend
or family member through all of this. It seems like one thing after another
is crashing down on me and I am not one to feel sorry for myself but I
must say I have been doing it lately! Sometimes Debbie (therapist) just
listens and sometimes that is what I really need.
I guess I will send this one off since I have written four pages just
now! I am home now for a month with no travel so hope to get a bit caught
up on things. I will definitely report on the nipple reconstruction and
on what I learn about diabetes.
Take care,
Margot - keeper of the now “hatted” perky twins!
After reading through the updates, if you have any questions please email
me