Before I begin this week's update I want to take a moment to remind all of
you that it is okay to share this info with anyone you choose. Also to remind
all of you is that there is no question too personal about my cancer, my treatment
or my reconstruction for me to answer. For those of you that are new to my updates
or are getting them through friends, I will be happy to answer your questions,
too. You can contact me personally it you like - Margot Clark, 2921 Amroth Place,
Casselberry, Florida, 32707, USA. Email - margot@margotclark.com.
Phone - 407-699-5217 - Fax - 407-699-5470 - you can even contact me through my
website www.margotclark.com if you lose
the other info as it is easy to just remember my name!
I have been very touched by those of you that have written to me with your
stories of sharing the updates. Soooooooooo important to get the word out and
you are all doing a fine job! Even if you have no one to share the info with,
you now know and that is equally important to me! I just cannot tell you how important
friends and family have become to me. Talk about taking people for granted - never
again - could not have gotten through this without all of you encouraging me and
just listening to me in these updates. These are as much a release for me as they
are updates for you. Thank you, dear friends, I will never forget your kindness
to me through this journey.
October 25 - Hope you all had a good laugh when you visited the web
addy I gave you last time! I'm sorry if any of you got scared - NOT! - I hoped
to scare the pants off you! I just couldn't resist!
As you can probably tell, I am feeling good today! Boobies are a little sore
at the edges (I can feel those expanders) and my chest muscle over my left one
is feeling the pull but I am on the home stretch with the fills too, so I am A-okay
with those little irritations. Boobs still look odd, though. Nice rounded mounds
that almost match in size now (set #1), full little pouches under them (set #2)
and then of course the extra set under my arms (set #3). I have very wiiiiiide
boobies right now. Be glad when we condense these down to just one set! No idea
what size I am because I don't really care since I am never wearing a bra again
anyway! I will end up with 550cc in each side in the expanders. Not sure at the
moment if the same amount gets put in the permanent implants or if it is a bit
less.
Lesson time! - Myth - Breast cancer is most likely to occur in women
in their 40's. Fact - Breast cancer incidence increases with age, rising sharply
after age 40. About 77 percent of invasive breast cancers occur in women over
age 50 (that would be me!). The average age at diagnosis is 64.
Two lessons today as they go together well. Myth - Mammography doesn't work
for young women. Fact - Although breast cancer is rare in women under age 40,
it can occur (my friend and co-author, Lisa, was 27). Mammography is a useful
diagnostic tool for younger women, even though their dense breast tissue can make
mammograms more difficult to read. Other diagnostic methods such as ultrasound
can be helpful in identifying breast abnormalities in younger women. All women
over 20 should have an annual breast exam by a doctor or nurse, become familiar
with how their breasts normally feel and check them each month using the same
technique.
October 26 - Another feel good day! Too bad the really good days are
the ones where I have to stay out of the garden and out of crowds. Oh well, I
have plenty to occupy me inside, maybe finally get some work done this coming
week.
Lesson time! - Myth: A lump in your breast means you have breast cancer.
Fact: About 80 percent of breast lumps are found to be benign (not cancer) when
biopsied (removed and tested). Lumpy breasts are very common, especially in younger
women and can change over the menstrual cycle. Any unusual, new or persistent
breast lump, skin or nipple change should be checked promptly by a medical professional.
A second lesson again, as they go together - Myth: Many biopsies turn out not
to be cancer so are unnecessary. Fact: Removal and examination of breast tissue
under a microscope is the only way to determine for certain, whether or not a
breast abnormality is cancer. Biopsies are generally minor outpatient hospital
procedures and leave only a small scar. New, "minimally invasive" biopsies
can be performed in the radiologist's office.
Sweeping off the patio today, minding my own business (with my little bald
head and no make-up), when I heard voices and before I could escape inside there
was Harold and a friend walking into the backyard. I stopped in mid-flight - what
to do??????????? Then I thought - what the heck and turned around and greeted
them both. Harold went on to explain to him about my having breast cancer and
chemo and all was well. I might as well get used to it - I will be bald for quite
awhile and do not want to hide out or always have something on my head. It actually
feels quite nice to have the wind and sun directly on my scalp. Just think of
it - quick showers, no bad hair days, no need for shampoos and conditioners -
just a bit of lotion on my little bald head to keep my skin soft!
October 27 - Lesson time! Myth: If you have breast cancer, you will
lose your breast. Fact: The National Cancer Institute has called breast conserving
treatment "preferable" to mastectomy (removing the breast) for most
women with early-stage breast cancer. The procedure includes a lumpectomy (removal
of the cancer) removal and examination of the underarm lymph nodes followed by
a course of daily radiation therapy. Note from me: even though my tumor in my
left breast was caught early on before it had a chance to spread, it was large
and aggressive and a Stage 3 on the pathology report. Not a good candidate for
breast conserving procedure. I chose to have the right one removed also, because
I did not want to wake up every day wondering if it was now in that one. A very
personal choice to be made by the woman herself and no one else! On the lighter
side, being an artist I know that if you are going to create something that it
is easier to create a "set" if you create them at the same time! I also
did not want one perky one and one saggy one. No thanks!
Another unveiling today - this time of my own choice. My UPS lady has been
coming here for years and seen me in every state of dress and even nightgowns
if I have been inspired and not bothered to have gotten dressed that day! She
has been out herself since August and I realized that she didn't even know I had
surgery, let alone chemo and losing my hair. So I met her at the front door and
all she said was "What did you do?", not - "Are you sick?"
Soooooooooo - I am getting braver every day! Felt good today but had one of my
tired spells about 4:30 and had to have a nap - NOW! Actually was in a creative
mood today - did some drawing and a bit of painting. Felt good!
October 28 - I am getting downright sassy with my little bald head,
I think I shall call this persona Bald-headed Beatrice! Ann came today and I just
put make-up on but nothing on my head! Whoo-hoo - making progress! Isn't that
better than listening to me whine?????????? An interesting fact. I have rubbed
and rubbed over my scalp and no hair came out this time. I still have a good bit
of stubble so could tell if tiny hairs came out. Wonder why? Still have my eyebrows
and eyelashes, too.
Lesson time! Myth: Treatment for breast cancer can be worse than the
disease. Fact: the chemotherapy, hormonal therapy and radiation that are often
recommended to treat breast cancer improve survival. New, effective drugs to control
treatment's side effects help many women continue their work and home schedules
during treatment. Note from me - you all now know all about chemo so know it doesn't
hurt and makes me mostly really tired. Chemo increased my survival rate from 70%
to 90% so was definitely worth the side effects with which I have to deal. Chemo
affects each person differently but I know it doesn't hurt if you have a port
installed. Lisa did not have a port and had to get it directly in the veins in
her arm and she said that did hurt. Can't talk about radiation because I don't
need that but have talked to others and they day the same thing - just makes you
really tired and sometimes it is like you have a sunburn. I will say that I don't
know how I would have kept a regular job during this time and truly admire women
who do keep on working. I never know from one day to the next how I am going to
feel and am so thankful I do not have that kind of pressure on me now. Lisa was
not able to work either. I guess if I had to, I would have, thank heavens I had
that option.
October 29 - A bit tired today, was winded by the end of my morning
walk, can tell my counts are down but at least I can still go for my walk! Weather
is gorgeous here, am itching to get out in my garden but am doing as I was told
and am staying in to avoid infection with my immune system so low.
Lesson time! Myth: If you have breast cancer, your doctor is in charge
of your treatment. Fact: You and your doctor, working together, should think through
all decisions and issues involved in choosing treatment, including whether you
should consider participating in a clinical trail. Each patient has a right to
open communication where all her questions and needs are addressed. Note from
me - I am very fortunate to have great doctors, all of whom listen to me and answer
my questions. I do go prepared so as not to waste their time or mine by having
my questions listed and having a copy for the doctor to read as I ask the questions
so they exactly understand what it is I want to know. Someone is always with me
and they also have a copy and they (this task falls to Jennifer) jot down the
answers instead of me trying to listen and trying to write and making the doctor
repeat his answers. Having my sister, Nurse Martha, is also a very big plus as
she can tell me some of the questions to ask! She went with me in the beginning
so I understood exactly want the doctors were telling me because you are a bit
shell-shocked with all the news and options that are being thrown at you. If you
don't have a Nurse Martha then be sure and do your homework so you find out what
you want/need to know.
What news I have! Remember I told you that my web site is being redesigned?
Well, Marian Jackson is the web designer and she has agreed (at no cost - this
is her donation to the cause of breast cancer) to add an area that will have all
the updates so you can send people there to read and print them if they want,
instead of you having to copy them for others. It gets harder to handle past updates
being sent out as I write more! I am so excited - I will be able to get the word
out to so many more people and you know that is my mission! She has even designed
a beautiful pink themed banner with one of my Shaded Wash roses for that section!
It will be located under Personal on the Site Menu of my new web site so if someone
is not interested and just came there to shop, they won't be hit in the face with
it! I was expecting to pay for that whole thing as it has nothing to do with what
I hired her to do and she said absolutely not, cancer had touched her (indirectly)
all her life and it was a cause that was near and dear to her, too. People are
just so wonderful and continue to amaze me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was excited about the
new web design, now I am ecstatic! The update site is absolutely gorgeous. Marian
far exceeded my expectations, the BC journals are actually their own web site,
(and I will be eternally grateful to her for her kindness and expertise) and all
of you get a sneak preview since you all are so special to me you deserve the
first peek!
October 30- Lesson time! Changing sources of information. I am now reading
the book called "Breast Cancer: Myths and Facts - What You Need to Know"
published in 2001, written by S. Eva Singletary, MD, Professor of Surgery and
Alice F. Judkins, RN, MS - Advanced Practice Nurse, Breast Specialist both from
the famous M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. The book is very thorough,
with illustrations and I am only picking out the Myths and Facts not previously
covered in my previous info from the sidebars in the book. The book is available
for 9.95 from PRR, Inc., 48 South Service Road, Melville, NY 11747 - 631-777-3800.
Myth: Estrogens cause breast cancer. Fact: No data have shown that estrogens in
birth control pills and estrogens given to women after menopause cause breast
cancer. However, if breast cancer is already present, estrogen may stimulate its
growth. Note from me - my tumor was not fed by estrogen at the time of surgery,
it was managing just fine on its own, no longer needing the estrogen so they want
me to avoid any medication containing estrogen, forever, to be on the safe side.
No problem with that here!
Heartburn again last night. I say again, because this is the second time it
has happened. This is not normal for me, the last time I had heartburn was when
I was pregnant with Jennifer and she is now twenty-nine! It is not listed as a
side effect so I am adding it to my list of questions for Dr. M next week when
I go for my third (and next to last - Yea! Yippee!) chemo treatment. I know that
the fast growing cells in your intestines and are zapped by the chemo, too, so
am assuming at this point that is what is happening here. I also have a stray
suture working its way up through the chemo port scar. It itches like crazy, finally
breaks off, I think to myself - great, it is finally done and …….there
it is again! No infection, just irritated. Dr. M keeps telling me to leave it
alone but this has been going on for about six weeks and I am tired of it! Adding
this to his list, too!
Poor boobs are still a bit sore, especially the muscle across the left one.
That is also the area where the nine lymph nodes were removed. I'm sure they (my
boobies) will be glad when they are left alone for awhile! It occurred to me that
I have never told you this about sleeping with them - when I turn to my side,
either side, there is about thirty seconds for them to adjust to the new position.
They hurt at the beginning but then it subsides. Wonder if it will always be like
that????? Next Monday I see Dr. J for my "fill" and the right one should
be done, only needs 55 more cc's. The left one maybe another "fill"
after that and then we can all rest for awhile. They don't feel part of me yet
- you have noticed I am sure, the "them and me" references. I may have
to break down and buy a BRA (no idea what size!) over the resting period between
the end of the fills and the surgery for the permanent implants to be inserted,
to kind of squash all my separate boobs together until Dr. J puts the final touches
on everything and makes them into just two perky ones! I'm fine in a shirt an
jacket or shirt and vest but just a plain T-shirt still looks a bit bumpy!
October 31 - Halloween! No lesson today, this is a fun day! I love Halloween!
I am dressing in my "usual" costume - a dead person!!!!!!!!!! I try
and look as scary as possible because my goal is to scare as many kids as possible
each year!!!!!!! It takes some of the kids years before they will come up to me
and get the candy! Parents always being their cameras just in case this is the
year! Some will come up to me and say "I'm not scared of you!" but….they
make sure they stand back far enough so I can't reach them either! I have a skull
mask with wild hair full of spiders that fully covers my face, there is fabric
over the eye sockets (I will be protected against germs behind it, I believe,
as I am actually still in my careful time), skeleton hands gloves and skeleton
feet shoe covers that glow in the dark. My costume is a dusty black (looks like
grave mold!), ragged, caftan like garment with a knife sticking out of my chest.
I squeezed red tube acrylics around the knife "wound" and smeared it
so it looks like coagulated blood and there is a huge spider crawling down my
shoulder. I play really loud, scary music and there are orange lights, a red strobe
light, skeletons and lighted skulls around for decoration. I sit very still with
my arms crossed over my chest until the kids get "within range". I sit
in the driveway where they would have to pass me to get to the front door. Then
I ask them in a deep, slow voice "What do you want?" Up until then,
they were not sure if I was real or a stuffed figure. Scares the pants off them-
whoo-hoo! I have a huge pet rat on a leash that I can actually "walk",
too. I have a green monster "hand" on a long arm that holds the candy.
They have to put their arm down in the bag that the hand is holding to get their
"treat" which means they have to get very close to me. When they do
they step on a mat that screams and then I shoot dense fog all over them (comes
out of a skulls mouth with flashing red eyes) with a remote control and that is
always good for screams from the kids! I have lived here for sixteen years and
always dressed in a scary way, try to add something new each year and the kids
seem to love it. I know their parents get a kick out of it and the kids that finally
come up after years of abstaining (don't want candy badly enough to have to come
get it from me!) are very proud of themselves. I also give really out great candy
- figure they deserve it after all I put them through! I give candy out to anyone
who comes up in a costume, don't care how old they are - I mean I'm still dressing
up and I am fifty-six! Jen usually comes over in a costume and helps liven things
up - she has a pet rat, too! Nurse Martha brings her grandson so he can see what
his Great Auntie Margot really looks like! Neighbors always stop by to see what's
new ( a three foot tall cackling witch this year) and to check on my scared kids
count!
Not too many kids this year but the ones that did come were well worth the
effort. I made my quota of scared kids this year, too! Since it is Friday we went
up to Wings after Trick or Treat time was over and got take-out, me dressed as
Ghoulish Gertrude (or Bones as Jen calls me), Jennifer as sexy Enchantra and Harold
as a devil with lighted horns and red velvet cape! Took my basket of candy to
give to my friends there and with their permission I walked around and gave out
candy to all the kids in the restaurant (scared some of them too so my scared
kids count went up again)! Am exhausted now but it was all great fun!