November 19 – Felt really icky this morning. Worked outside so not incapacitated just icky. Tummy upset but that may have been due to the inner plumbing and not the chemo. Ate lunch and really felt the need for a nap. Gave in, slept all afternoon and woke up feeling quite well! Guess I just needed some rest. Boring Betty in residence today. Feels odd not to have some excitement!
Ta da! Harold called for an inspection on Monday! When the building passes, we get cement poured in all the block cells and attach the hurricane straps for the trusses. Then up go the trusses which are due to arrive next Friday, then the roof decking! Then the building shell is done and all the rest is finishing!
Swelling has gone down on Poor Polly Twin and she now has a slightly flat place on the bottom inside. The scar is slightly puckered but nothing dreadful. The surgeon went in to the old mastectomy scar and there are no stitches! Not there or where the port scar is either! I guess the stitches are inside and the steri-strips held the skin together in place for over a week so there is just a line. Amazing! I still look the same in clothing so at this point would not opt for more surgery on Polly. Not sore at all either, slept on my tummy for some of last night and all was fine. Port doesn’t hurt either, just some bruising left. What still hurts is where the IV was and the top of my hand where he tried to get it in. So, there is obviously no guarantee that if you get the anesthesiologist to start the IV that it will go smoothly! The first doctor for the lumpectomy got it in the very first try, this doctor was all over the place! Must think of a new plan before next surgery!
November 23 – Morning - Today is chemo #2. I am ready but it took some real mental preparation to get to this point. I can’t tell yet if this schedule will be better or worse. Today and for the next couple of weeks the treatments are on Wednesdays due to the holidays and then I go back to Tuesday afternoons. I feel fine physically except for the dreaded constipation problem. Must see what advice they have to offer today. It is like my body forgot how to have a bowel movement! Not fun at all.
Where the heck is Kerrie Kickass? She went off to visit somewhere else these past few days and I have put out the call for her to return and bring Brenda Braveheart with her!
Melancholy Melanie has come to visit and joins Weepy Wanda and they are persistent guests! Sunday I was feeling very well, had company and loved every minute of it. Monday I had an appointment with my primary care doctor and made arrangements to begin to see an endriconologist in December. I now know that an endriconologist sees thyroid and diabetes patients. He told me to do nothing at present about the rise in my blood sugar after the treatment with the steroid, to wait to see what the endriconologist recommends. He did say that at this point he did not think they would be worried, it was when the levels rise to around 300 that they begin to worry and if that happens I will probably have to give myself an insulin injection when I get the steroid. Croaking Chris jumped right to the surface. I could feel my face drain of all color and I am sure it was evident to him because he said not to worry; it was easy once you learned how to give yourself the injection. Yes, well…………………….he apparently doesn’t understand that I don’t want to have to do that! I am also concerned that this constant dosage of steroids is going to make me gain weight and be all puffy. This may seem inconsequential in the grand scheme of things but it is things like this that become the final straw for people. No hair and puffy after working so hard to lose weight and succeeding on top of everything else that is happening just seems to be the final indignity. I will be asking about that today.
Jen and I did go to the Mall after my appointment and I bought what I went after but my heart was not in shopping (Melancholy Melanie moved right on in after the doctor visit!) so we poked around a bit and then went on to lunch. Sort of moped around for the rest of the day but pulled myself together for Harold because….Ta Da!...... he passed his block inspection on the addition and we had agreed that he deserved a victory dinner when that event occurred. So, off we went and he had a big steak! Trusses arrive Friday, he will arrange for the pouring of the cells for next week and then we begin the roof!
Yesterday was great except for the “inner plumbing” problem which weighs heavily on my mind. Six months of this is a bit daunting. Spent an hour making various doctors appointments. Lordy there is one week where I have a doctors’ appointment every day and some days there are two! Not how I wanted to spend my holiday season I can tell you! Melancholy Melanie has now been joined by Moping Myrtle…geez…what a fun pair they make!
Before anyone feels the need to remind me to be positive…………..I am positive……I am also realistic. I am positive that I will be cured once again and get on with my life. I am positive I am receiving the very best care possible. I am positive I have the very best family and friends in the whole world. I am positive I will create wondrous things in my new studio and enjoy life to its fullest. I also know that facing a whole year of crappy treatments and constipation and hair loss and possible puffiness and days of feeling bad and fatigue are the reality and I am sorry, but those all fall in the very negative category. Melancholy Melanie and Moping Myrtle and Feelingverysorryformyself Francine and Weepy Wanda all belong with me at this point. I think Grieving Grace is starting to move on in and Angry Anita has been and gone already. Ranting Rita and Weepy Wanda will be around for a while I am sure. Sarcastic Sally wants to put a word in here – Telling me to only think positive thoughts at this point in time will only cause me to have the very negative thought that I am positive I would really like to slap the person telling me to be positive! So tell me a joke, tell me a story, tell me I am being a brat, tell me I am rude, tell me you are sorry I am having to go through this again even if it doesn’t seem to be enough to say (it is!) but DO NOT tell me to be positive. I am POSITIVE!!!!!!!
In case anyone thinks that this is a bid for sympathy, it is not. I vowed to write the reality of it all and this is it.
Evening – done for the second time! I got KK in motion by playing my Donna Summer CD (disco music) very loud as I drove to my treatment! Now I know how to get KK back when she goes off to visit! No problems except for the woman who talked non-stop the whole time she was there! She was coughing and coughing and talking and talking and doing all of it very loudly! She kept saying the cough was from the Decadron (steroid) and that it also made her hyper. I had the same thing and I can say I was not affected that way! One woman told her that she didn’t want to be rude but that if maybe she quit talking her cough would improve! I can tell you there were a lot of faces trying not to laugh at that point! Did she shut up? Nope! Must discreetly find out when she comes for treatment so I can come some other time! Glad of the Benedryl today as it makes me sleepy so I could tune her out for a while! Apparently that doesn’t affect her the same way either!
I found out a bit more about the drugs I am receiving. The pre-meds Decadron, Benedryl and Zantac (heartburn) are for the Taxol side effects and Aloxi is an anti-nausea drug for the Carboplatin. I was there today from 10:30 to 2:45. Felt fine afterward and went and did my grocery shopping.
I need to follow a “laxative protocol” for the next six months. I am to start by taking two Sennokot tablets (vegetable based stool softener and natural laxative) after breakfast and if no relief then two more before bed. If no relief then two more after breakfast and if no relief then three before bed. When the “action” begins I then follow whatever dosage caused it and stick with it on a daily basis. The nurse told me that with the weekly treatments your body just begins to get back to normal and then you get another treatment so it is better to follow the regimen and not allow the problem to occur. I’m all for that!
By the way, I almost deleted the “positive tirade” since it seemed a bit strong after reading it again but I did not. If I start to do that then I am editing the journals to make me look good and that is not their purpose. Feelings are a huge part of all this and when dealing with a loved one going through this I hope it helps to see how a person’s mind is working. No two people react the same way and this is just one person’s story but hopefully allows some insight into different aspects of “the journey.”
November 24 – Thanksgiving – What a nice day! I felt just fine! Jen came over and we cooked and played cards. I do have a story to tell on myself. I was trying to be all serious at dinner and asked to say the prayer because I really do have so many things to be thankful for so we all held hands and I began. I guess it was all okay until I said that I was thankful even with all the crappy stuff that had been happening and all of a sudden I sensed a change in Harold and Jen. They were trying not to laugh and I said, “What?” and they said that maybe mine was the only prayer said that day that included the word “crappy!” I held my head up, looked down my nose at the both of them and told them that I am sure God understood my meaning and then we all laughed!
November 25 – Okay, apparently this is my down day, two days after treatment. Last week it was four days later that I felt this way. Just feel “poorly.” Felt the best to just sit in the recliner covered in blankets and doze. So that is just what I did. No nausea. No appetite either. However, if this is the extent of my down time I will be one “happy camper!” It is late at night now and I already feel better than this morning.
Going to go to Jen’s tomorrow and help her glaze her walls and Harold is going to install some new lighting for her. Trusses did not come today as promised! Harold called to find out what time they estimated to be here and not only did they not have us scheduled…..they are not even constructed yet! He about hit the roof on that one as he has been calling on a regular basis checking on them! Now they say the beginning of the week. Geez. One of the many joys or remodeling!
The depressing personas seem to have gone to visit someone else for a while! Thank heavens! I don’t miss them at all!
Until next time, Margot, a.k.a. Kerrie Kickass, Boring Betty, Poor Polly Twin, Melancholy Melanie,Weepy Wanda, Croaking Chris, Moping Myrtle, Feelingverysorryformyself Francine, Grieving Grace, Angry Anita, Ranting Rita, Sarcastic Sally
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