Margot Update 5
Saturday, September 6
No real anything to report. Major breakthrough though, I actually am
able to sleep on my side again with no earplugs! Still sore from the expanders
and I have decided I now have three sets of boobs! The ones I reported
before but now I think that I have another set under my arms! I told you
about he extra roll that is there because of the breast tissue being gone
- well imagine this - fill two plastic sandwich bags half full of water
then place under your armpits. Can feel them every time I move my arms.
This is a temporary state, as the expanders expand it will pull some of
it forward and Dr. J. will liposuction out the rest when I get my permanent
implants. But for now…………… I also think I shall
take out stock in baby powder, slather that stuff all over my chest at
least four times a day to keep things from rubbing against my skin. Still
hypersensitive. I also must check my clothing and especially my feet after
powdering - that stuff goes everywhere and I have these telltale spots
of powder on my toes! Looks a bit odd!
Still very tired after about 2 p.m. so I go to one of my little nap nests
that I have created and drift off . Feels very indulgent! Still no driving.
Had a bout of depression yesterday afternoon. Weepy Wanda for sure! Don't
want you to think I am perky all the time! Searched the Internet about
post menopausal estrogen negative women like me and I found a couple of
places that said the prognosis was poorer for these women. Sat at the
computer just sobbing! Today of course, I am aware that they didn't state
how much poorer - 50%? 1%? slight? great? - didn't say that so I shall
read no more until I see the oncologist on Thursday. That unfortunately,
is another depressing thing. So far, all the doctors and the hospital
that I have been to do other things so they are just "Florida Hospital",
General Surgeon", "Plastic Surgeon", however Dr. Molthrop
only sees people with cancer so I have to go to the Walt Disney Memorial
Cancer Institute next week for my first visit and then to the Winter Park
Cancer Care Center for the rest of the times I will see him. There is
the word CANCER just hitting me in the face and everyone in that waiting
room will have cancer, too. Most distressing. I know I will get used to
it but that first visit is going to be rough. Both Jen and Harold are
going with me. Both for moral support and to be sure we get all the info
straight. This man also holds the key to my future so that makes me just
a bit anxious, too. Egads, I am turning into Doom and Gloom Dolores!
Well, let us move on to better things. Sorry, but you do have to take
the bad with the good in these updates since I am trying very hard to
be factual about the whole thing. As my professor daughter Jaime says,
"You are not trying to get an A+ in breast cancer." Can I try
for a B+??????????????
I also have to correct some previous info. I told you that I was negative
for the HER2/neu gene and that is true but it was not the gene I thought
it was. The Her2/neu gene shows how aggressive the cancer is and negative
is good thing meaning it is not aggressive in me! However, it is not the
gene that is tested for how susceptible a person is to breast cancer so
my daughters still don't know that. Must keep my facts straight for all
of you!
Wednesday, September 10th (my birthday!)
One month after surgery
A word here about my birthday. Not usually a cause for celebration in
the past 20 years or so. My sister Tina's birthday is on the 12th so she
shares my thoughts. My dad died on my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, there
is no problem remembering that date now is there! Mother, within one week,
brother within two weeks, then we have September 11th - as Nurse Martha
says, "We just all try to get past your birthday for another year
and see who makes it!" Now I get to go to the oncologist on September
11th. Geez!
Aren't I just a beacon of sunshine this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually I feel pretty good right now. Still sore but, not quite as intense
as before. Did some yard work on Sunday!!!!!!!!!! Fresh air, sunshine,
dirt under my fingernails! Just wandered around and trimmed things I didn't
have to reach very far to get and pulled some weeds. Was very good and
wore a glove on my left hand to prevent cuts or anything that could cause
infections and thus contribute to lymphedema (swelling from retained fluids
due to the removal of lymph nodes). Do not need that aggravation! Came
in, took a shower and promptly fell asleep for four hours! I really am
getting stronger each day and haven't needed as many naps. Am able to
reach all the way up with my right arm and almost all the way up with
my left arm (that still hurts to stretch where the lymph nodes were removed)
so have not lost any movement at all. Feels good to be able to move my
arms above my shoulders finally! Still not ready to drive yet, though.
Just going to relax today, go out to dinner with Jen and Harold. Tomorrow
begins the new onslaught of doctor visits so need to keep up my strength.
I just had a thought - these new boobs are going to hurt all the way
through the construction process it seems, if it is not my skin feeling
raw then it is the expanders stuck in between my chest muscles and making
them stretch - I believe this qualifies as giving birth to them! Am having
twins! Should I have a contest to name them???????? If I am Perky Polly
should they be - Dolly and Lolly??????????????
Thursday, September 11 - Began with having to get blood drawn
for cholesterol test, now have to have it out of my right arm only because
of the lymph nodes removal. Much harder on me, had to squeeze a ball until
I thought my hand would spasm, but she did make it on the first try, thank
heavens. On to more fun and games! Saw Dr.Molthrop the oncologist, and
recommended chemo, 4 times, 3 weeks apart (Weepy Wanda was trying her
hardest to break through my reserve but I mostly stuffed her back into
place!). Harold and Jen went with me to the doctor, so glad they were
there. That would make me finish up the day before Thanksgiving. That
would be appropriate, don't you think! No reconstruction fill on second
weeks as my white blood count will be low. Will most probably lose my
hair, figure I have five weeks left of hair, have been cutting it a bit
each day so by the time five weeks is up I hopefully will be able to adjust.
Sounds good now, will let you know how I actually feel when I am bald.
I mean, I only have two really good features, my eyes and my hair! As
Nurse Martha told me - "Just think how dramatic your eyes are going
to look!" I did get a prescription from the doctor for a wig - guess
what is written on it????????????? "Cranial prosthesis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thought I would die of laughter when I read that. Apparantly insurance
doesn't cover wigs but they do cover cranial prosthesis' for chemo patients!
Need the chemo because of size of tumor (over 1cm), grade of tumor from
pathology report (3) and estrogen and progesterone receptor negative results
(because the cancer no longer needs these to grow, could do it on its
own if there are any left). Need a chemo port installed, that goes into
my chest on Monday by Dr. Portoghese, the same doctor who did the mastectomies.
Minor surgery, Rapid In and Out at the hospital. General anesthesia again,
though, but of course, I shall take the "recipe" for the anesthesiologist.
I must say, it is getting pretty full in there, two "fill" ports
and now a chemo port! Not to mention the six boobies!!!!!!!!!!!! Will
be much easier to have the treatments, otherwise I would have to get it
in a vein each time and it is pretty caustic stuff. First chemo treatment
will be the 24th - need some buoying prayer and thoughts before that,
pretty please??????? Will take three hours the first time since they will
be going over al lot of stuff with us, then about an hour and a half each
time after that. We will all go to a class on Tuesday night for "New
Chemo Patients and their Caregivers" at the hospital. The visit wasn't
as bad as I expected, signs were small so they didn't scream "CANCER"
at me. Dr. Molthrop is younger than I expected, maybe mid to late thirties,
due to his fantastic reputation I expected someone much older. Very nice
man.
You know I can find humor in the oddest places. I actually was laughing
after he told me I needed chemo! Well, the chemo part wasn't funny of
course, but both he and the Nurse Practitioner were amazed at what I brought
to them. They loved it just for your info but were still amazed. I brought
copies of all reports, a typed listing of all current medications, past
meds, as needed meds, supplements, past surgeries, exams, tests and their
results, etc, all in chronological order! This was accompanied by my complete
medical history, all neatly categorized of course! They both were so surprised
to find I was an artist by profession, they thought I was an engineer
or someone in the medical field!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They didn't say it but
I think they figured artist were flaky by nature! Before you think it,
no, they did not say I was anal - just thorough! I told them I taught
classes and always wanted my students to have every bit of info possible
on what they were learning so it just made sense to me. I always do that
when I go to a new doctor. Even take them their own copies so they don't
have to make copies! That being said - think about it for yourself - there
is no space on those forms from their offices, my handwriting is atrocious
and tiny ( can't decipher some of my own notes!), I could never remember
when or where I had surgery or what my different medications were, what
family member had what wrong with them, what the phone number and address
were of "Someone to contact not living with you" on their office
forms. Now I just write, "See attached list" in those tiny spaces.
They all love me in the different doctor's offices because it is easy
to look up stuff on me and I feel it enhances my care because I haven't
forgotten to tell them something important. I update the files after I
go to the doctor while it is fresh in my mind. I have been doing this
even before all of this crappy stuff started to happen. Just a helpful
suggestion.
I also have to cancel all my commitments until the first of the year.
He is very concerned about the risk of infection due to the chemo bringing
down my immune system and flying, airports, hotels and classes full of
people make him very, very nervous on my behalf. He says he is very paternal
about his patients. He says he knows I would like to stay as normal as
possible but would rather I be at home now so will be able to go other
places for many, many years to come. He also said I had a lot going on
with the reconstruction and the chemo and that both make me uncomfortable
and chemo is probably going to make me feel ill and tired (as well as
bald!) I have gone along with his suggestions and have begun canceling
my classes and other trips I had planned. I am sure he is right as just
the stress of all this is making me so very tired. I can still work on
my third book, design and work on my web site as I am able, so I will
go with that. No deadlines, though.
To just top things off, Harold was laid off from his job! Not a catastrophe,
though, he wanted to change professions and now he is going to go back
to school to become a Fire Safety Inspector. Nice to have him with me,
too! Luckily, our finances will permit this so we are taking it as a sign
from above to make the changes he has been talking about.
On the subject of losing my hair - I just adore Halloween and I will
be in week before a treatment on that date so should be feeling okay.
I am anticipating celebrating Halloween in my usual style - scaring the
daylights off anyone I can! I usually dress up as a dead person with a
disgusting wig full of little spiders, but this year I think I shall have
my little bald head showing with a big, black spider sitting atop and
paint my face with a spider web over my skull face! I even found a fiber
optic spider I think I shall purchase for the occasion! I also asked Harold
this morning if he had any secret fantasies he wanted to explore such
as a blond with long, wavy hair or a raven haired vixen with spiky hair!
He just looked at me and said, "No.", very calmly. So I have
decided that I shall purchase a wig that looks similar to my own color
and style for "normal/proper" occasions, but……………I
want a red curly one and maybe something spiky for the rest of the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have always liked wigs, used to wear them in fact, so am going to have
a good time with them since I need them now. Not much of a hat person
but will be looking into painting some scarves to wear if I don't feel
like it's a wig day. I am doing the MAD painting conference here in Orlando
in January and the Vegas convention in February and no telling what those
of you that attend those functions will see me as, blonde, brunette, redhead???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By February, my own hair should be in to some degree and I may just spike
it! I have heard that it sometimes grows back curly - that would be nice,
no need for a perm!!!!!!!!!
Okay, this update has truly turned into a book, but a lot happened this
past week so I will sign off for now!
Love to you all,
Margot - (still ITBC material - but since I have so many at the moment
- do I still qualify for membership??????????)
After reading through the updates,
if you have any questions please email
me
top of page
| 
