March 1 - I'm back from Vegas and fit as a fiddle! We all got in yesterday
about 5:00 p.m., dropped Jennifer off at her house and came on home. Ate
dinner, checked email and went to bed at 8:30 p.m. - I was exhausted!
Slept for twelve hours!!!!!!!! Got up, had a cup of coffee, hired a lawn
service ( I love to plant and dig and weed and all that but I hate to
do the fertilizing soooooooooooo ) put on my gardening
shoes and went OUTSIDE! Stayed outside the whole day. Wore my glove on
my left hand (no problems with flying and lymphedema at all!), stayed
out of direct sun on my left arm and other than that I behaved as normal.
For the first time since last August I did not have any pain from surgery,
no restrictions, no feeling bad or even tired (Yea!) Perfectly normal!!!!!!!
Came in, took a shower, cooked dinner, unpacked a bit and am writing in
the journal. So absolutely, everyday, wonderfully normal! Almost seven
months after my mastectomy surgery.
I did find out while in Vegas about another woman who underwent her mastectomy
(one side only) just last week. I was going to write her today but she
wrote to me first this morning! A mutual friend had given her the journals
web site and she had read them before writing. She said she found them
worthwhile reading, especially the parts about chemo as she will begin
her treatments in about three weeks. She said she is dreading the chemo
but now believes it won't be as difficult as she first imagined. When
someone writes to me with words like that, it makes all the effort so
worthwhile! She also sent me some very interesting information about her
own experiences. She had her surgery and was home the next day. She didn't
need the morphine drip when she woke up from surgery and has to date taken
only one Tylenol! She says that feeling is coming back to the area of
surgery and she is glad to know that she won't remain numb. She has been
doing housework and is feeling pretty good! She was/is small breasted
so chose not to have reconstruction. She also said her cancer hurt, felt
like a pulled muscle! Her doctor said it had only been growing a short
time and was a fast growing tumor. At this point they believe it is Stage
1 so prognosis is excellent. She said that she is glad to have her friends
and family, celebrate her second chance at life rather than her funeral!
It is always so good to hear when someone does so well. Hers is probable
the best story I have heard so far. This next sentence is worth repeating
over and over - she writes, "The worst injustice a woman can do to
herself, when she suspects a lump or mass is to go into denial!"
On a sadder note, I received that following from "M's" friend.
She writes, "Just wanted to update you on "M", she hasn't
been at work, but today she came for half a day. She has had four treatments
and has two to go, (remember this lady has chemo treatments two days in
a row!) they changed the number of treatments she had to have. She has
run out of sick and annual leave, but our work is great about compassionate
leave, we'll donate time to her so she doesn't loose her income. She has
ulcers in her mouth so she can't taste anything and she's been throwing
up, but can't eat, so that's not nice. She is exhausted, but says she
can't sleep, horrible way to be for sure. Keep her in your prayers!"
Two very different stories aren't they? I am somewhere in the middle.
Spoke to another friend in Vegas who is a four year survivor, she had
chemo twice a month for eight months! Didn't ever loose all her hair through
all that! Amazing! She is, to date, the only person I have spoken with
that has not lost their hair.
Speaking of hair - I have enough to dry with the blow dryer! Looks absolutely
dreadful, sticks up in patches all over but it does at least move with
the air from the dryer! Still really straight, too. Lots of nice eyelashes
and still plucking my left eyebrow! Was told by two other survivors in
Vegas that they had the "cat fur", too, and it went away on
its own. Good to know! This morning when the lawn guy was here, I had
on Sassy Simone. Told him that when he left I was going to put on my tennies
and get to work in my garden. After he left I took her off and went to
work out in the front yard. I was out there and he stopped back by when
I was out by the street. No time to run in and get Simone so I just acted
like it was normal to have two different hair styles in the space of three
hours! Put on my tennies and took off my hair! Hung her on the hall tree
like a hat! To his credit he did not stare and just went on with the conversation.
Harold got a kick out of it - knew I was caught!
Also, a correction - my high school friend in Las Vegas is a two year
survivor not eleven! I spoke to so many women who had either had it or
had a friend that I got my figures mixed up. Of course I knew she was
two years - why did I write eleven!!!!!!!!!!!
March 2 - Couldn't get to sleep until 2 a.m. Must be the time
change, Vegas is three hours behind. Up at 8 a.m. so got about six hours
of sleep and that seems to be okay. I am sure I will get back on my own
time zone fairly quickly. No pain at all anywhere again today! Port scar
just itches every once in awhile. I am finally beginning to believe the
worst is truly behind me. I am finding it a bit hard to let go of the
pessimistic attitude. I am sure this is quite normal as your life is turned
completely upside down for months and months and all of a sudden it all
seems okay again. "How can that be?" you wonder to yourself.
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with the amount of work waiting for me
but WILL make myself take it easy and not get caught up in that craziness
again.
March 3 - A very nice thing happened today. Went to pick up my
corporate and personal taxes from my CPA, have known him and his wife
for years and his daughter lives in our neighborhood. I only see him twice
a year because I am the bookkeeper for my business! Anyway, when I dropped
off all my paperwork I told him what had been going on in my life. I went
to pick up my taxes today and when I was ready to leave he said, "I
have something for you." Well, he had given me all my forms and papers
so what could he possible have for me I wondered??????? He handed me a
manila envelope and told me that his wife belonged to a group of women,
can't remember what for now, and that he had told her my story. She told
her group and they had begun to pray for me. Also, one of the women has
been battling ovarian cancer for two years now (that is some nasty stuff!)
and that she had made some things for me. In the envelope was a lovely
card from MaryAnn (CPA's wife), then from the other lady, a saying about
what cancer cannot do - I included this in an earlier update, but then
she had written one of her own titled "What Cancer Can Do for You."
I was wonderful and I asked him to see if she would let me put it in an
update and he said he would ask her. I cannot post it until I hear from
her as I do not want to violate anyone's copyright. You will love it when
I do post it! She also made me a bookmark with quotes from Eleanor Roosevelt.
Well, to say I was overwhelmed is putting it mildly! I didn't know any
of these women except for MaryAnn and I was so very touched at how they
reached out to me. That brings me around to a Flavia quote I wanted to
post - "Give what you have to give. Small acts of care and grace
can mean more than you ever dare to think." When I read that I thought
of all of you along with Marian and me. I wrote the journals but without
Marian's contribution of the website and all of you passing the site on
to others, the info would be limited to just a few people. We now have
had more than 1450 visits to the BC Journals and I get email most every
day from someone who has read them and been helped in some small way from
reading the journals. I will probably never meet any of these women and
men but through our combined efforts, we have all had a hand in helping
others. Thank you!
March 4 - I'm on a tirade tonight. I hate this disease!!!!!!!!
You do get through it if you are lucky. I was reminded tonight that 200,000
women will be diagnosed with breast cancer every year and that 46,000
will die from it. Since I have been feeling so well, I have forgotten
about those dreadful figures. Please, please get your mammograms and go
to the doctor if you have any suspicion at all that something is wrong
or you feel a lump. This stuff can grow so fast! Early detection is still
the very best medicine for continued life! Who cares if you have nice
boobs and no scars if you are dead! I truly do feel fine for myself and
have confidence I have beaten it, at least for now, but all those women
out there who have just been diagnosed or who are on their own journeys
is just staggering. Please, please go to www.thebreastcancersite.com and
click to help women who cannot afford to have a mammogram to get one.
I am just sobbing as I write tonight. I am angry that anyone has to go
through all the surgeries and chemo and hair loss. I am angry that cancers
of all sorts seem to be running rampant! I know there are many other diseases
that are just as bad or worse, but I experienced this one first hand and
it is not very nice at all. Okay, I am calming down a bit. Still weepy
but at least I can see what I am typing now! Whew! Not I am just sad and
heartsick thinking about all those others.
Had to leave the computer for a bit but I'm okay now. I needed a "nap
NOW" earlier today, maybe I am not as 100% as I thought!
Okay, I must follow that up with something a bit lighter so no one thinks
I am going off the deep end! Greta Gardener was out doing yard work this
morning (no wig) as the teenagers were catching the school bus. We have
lived here for 16 years so have seen a lot of these kids grow up. There
is one boy who is especially polite and friendly, always has been. Anyway,
AJ was walking by and has a very spiky hairstyle right now. Ah ha! The
Sassy Simone look but longer! So, I asked him how he got his hair to do
that as when mine is longer I want to do something similar. He told me
what product to use. I then asked about drying it with a hair dryer as
that was a disaster! I looked like a little boy who had gone to bed with
his hair wet and it dried in sticking up patches! He told me to add the
"freeze" products when it was still damp but not wet and to
not use a dryer at all. I told Harold about our conversation and he just
looked at me like I had completely lost it! Well, AJ had a hair style
I liked so I asked! I was actually waiting for the lawn service guy to
come and decided that I was not going to wear a wig for the lawn guy!
Besides I didn't want to sweat inside my wig!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hair is about ½" long in the back and almost that long on
the rest of my head. Very thick and full with a hint of movement in the
hair in front, I hesitate to say the word "curl", still way
too short for that. It is as thick and full as before but not growing
fast enough for me. This is all I have since ending chemo on November
26th. Well, that really is only three months but it seems like forever
since I have had hair. Lost it the beginning of October. It also is growing
back in about 200 different directions! Used to call them "cow licks",
can't think what they are called now. I think when my hair is back I will
feel all the way well. Still such a disturbing reminder when you see yourself
in a mirror. Must take myself off to bed now. Weepy Wanda, Grumpy Gertrude,
Sobbing Sara, Ranting Rita (haven't seen HER in a while!), Greta Gardener,
Holly Homemaker and Artist Anne have made me a very Tired Tina!
March 5 - Just a quick note to let you know I am fine today. I
guess my emotions are still very raw as I seem to cry very easily. I was
at the bank today checking on interest charges for a used car. We leased
my big ole' shiny red Intrepid RT and now I want it for keeps. I know,
I know, that is not how it is supposed to work but ..30
some years ago I sold my silver 1965 GTO (Crager mag wheels, red line
tires - the works!) and have always regretted it. Mind you, I grew up
just outside Detroit so cars were an important part of all our lives.
I feel the same way about my Intrepid - there is no other car I would
rather be driving so .. Anyway the point of this
whole thing is that the loan officer asked me if I wanted the loan in
just my name (I am the principle shareholder there) and I about fell over.
Since I am self-employed, a woman and an artist to boot it never occurred
to me that I could qualify on my own! Well I did with flying colors! I
was all excited inside the bank, (Excited Esther here) got out to my car
and realized it would be really truly mine and I promptly burst into tears
- again! Geez Louise! I do wear eye makeup and all this crying is not
good for my makeup! I had other errands to run (got the car washed in
celebration!) so I got myself under control. Maybe this is how it will
always be now - I am so much more in tune with my feelings and the feelings
of others that this highly emotional state may be permanent. Aside from
the damage to my eye makeup, this is probably not a bad thing.
One more word on the "cat fur" face. Still there, but no worse.
Put lotion on today and could actually form a pattern in the hairs! I
shall be Furry Frieda for as long as the cat fur remains! My eyelashes
are thicker and longer than they were before - love that! Eyebrows are
almost back to normal and .. EVERYWHERE else has grown
back! Just thought you would like to know that little tidbit of info!!!!!!!!!!!
Shared with you when it left so thought I would share with you when it
came back!
My hair actually is standing up a bit today away from my head. It has
been plastered down to my scalp and nothing short of the blow dryer has
had any effect. Progress!
Looking forward to the weekend. Have been very busy submitting classes
for Vegas for 2005, getting ready for my next teaching trip (I leave on
the 24th), planning future articles, unpacking all my "stuff"
from Vegas and filling website orders! No wonder I needed a nap! I believe
I am back at work now!
No photo - again! No time this week. I did take photos of my garden,
my friend Karan suggested that, but haven't downloaded them yet from my
camera. A note here, my friend Karan, lives in North Carolina and is driving
over to Knoxville, Tennessee to take one of the classes I am teaching
there this month. I haven't seen her in forever so that will be great
fun!
Good health and a good life to all of you,
Margot - a.k.a. Perky Polly - keeper of the Perky Twins, Greta Gardener,
Holly Homemaker, Excited Esther, Weepy Wanda, Artist Anne, Grumpy Gertrude,
Sobbing Sara, Tired Tina, Ranting Rita and Furry Frieda.
After reading through the updates, if you have any questions please email
me