February 9 - Very sore, but from gardening!!!!!!!!!!! The Twins
are still sore but it is getting a bit less. I can sleep on my side as
long as I still give them time to "settle." That dratted port
scar is the one that hurts still. Feels like I am being pinched hard.
Hopefully it is the internal sutures and when they dissolve, I will be
fine. I will be checking with Dr. J when I go to see him on the 20th.
February 10 - Just had a weeping episode. Under control now but
was certainly unexpected. I was just looking up the phone number for the
oncologist to verify my appointment tomorrow and when I touched the notebook
I kept throughout the chemo treatments, I just burst into tears. It was
like the contact with the cover channeled all that had happened directly
to my brain like it was an electric current and I was in overload in a
second!!!!!!! Good grief! Took me about an hour to calm down!
A really, really wonderful note from "M's" friend - she says
that, "M is at work today, sore and tired, but she is wearing a very
nice wig. It's the first one, before she just wore a knitted cap. It's
very pretty!" Sooooooooooooooo glad to hear that. "M" knows
that all of you are praying for her and look .it seems to be helping!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Another reader wrote me the following and I just love it. Peggy has had
her mastectomies (just last October) and beginning reconstruction already
and was talking to a friend of hers who will be having a mastectomy very
soon. The friend was so very grateful that Peggy was willing to share
her experience and Peggy told her she could do nothing less, that there
was an unwritten pact between breast cancer women to "Accept all
help graciously when you are the one in need, and then graciously help
the next one in line - until the line ends and breast cancer is eradicated."
What a statement!
A dear friend of mine came by today with nice, hot, homemade soup, a
crusty loaf of bread and a box of Russell Stover chocolates! Is she an
angel or what? She stayed for a while and we chatted. It as so very nice
to see her. She was very concerned she was making me tired and I assured
her I am feeling just fine. I get very tired around bedtime but that is
a pretty normal time, the only difference is that sometimes I feel exhausted
when a half hour before I was fine. Kind of like the afternoon "nap
NOW" thing used to be. Can't remember the last time I needed a "nap
NOW' to be truthful! Yea! No complaints, I can handle this bedtime exhaustion
easily, just go to bed!
February 11 - Well, no doctor visit today after all. He was injured,
got poked in the eye playing basketball and won't be in the office today
so I have to make a new appointment. I will be jumping out of my skin
by the time I go to see him this first post-chemo time!
Hair report! Filling in nicely, actually a little too nicely. Seems I
also have "fur" growing down the sides of my face and down my
neck on either side of my ears!!!!!!!!!! I always had peach fuzz but never
"fur!" Luckily it is very light, you can only see it if the
light is behind me but then ..well .I
am furry!!!!!!!!!!!! Stuff is about ¼" long!!!!!!!!! I can
pinch it between my fingers for heaven's sake! And only on my face and
neck - nice, highly visible areas!!!!!!! Harold mentioned yesterday as
we were having breakfast on the patio that I seemed to have more hair
on my face than I used to that was an understatement! I definitely
did not order fur!!!!!!!! My friend Lisa told me that when her hair grew
back it came in, in some very odd places and she looks just fine now so
I am going to assume for now, that it will rub off eventually like new
baby hair. I will ask Dr. M (oncologist) when I see him but does anyone
have any input on this phenomenon?
Got an interesting email this morning from a new friend via the journals.
She, herself, suffers from clinical depression and after reading some
of my entries of last week she cautioned me to be aware that I might be
suffering from mild depression and under the circumstances that would
be completely normal. She just wanted me to be aware of the symptoms so
that I didn't let it get out of hand instead of getting help if it became
worse. What good advice! I will certainly be on the lookout and will give
her the job of monitoring my correspondence for any signs and alert me
in case I miss it myself. Sometimes it takes someone outside your circle
to notice things like that. Thinking on it, how could a person not have
days of depression after going through all this? I think maybe that would
be the abnormal situation!
Right now I as I am typing I am contemplating on just how lucky I am.
I am at peace today, the dog is at my feet, the cat is in the chair behind
me, both are napping, and Harold is asleep in our room having worked all
night. I am surrounded by love in my own studio in my lovely house with
my wonderful garden, I am full of energy, my hair is coming in, I have
perky boobs and all is good in my little world. Sound a bit like Pollyanna,
don't I! Certainly like her better than Weepy Wanda!
February 12 - Well, a new observation. Had to staple a bunch of
stuff today and guess what? My right boob jumps every time I staple something!
Never realized how much your chest muscle was used in stapling and since
my muscle is now on the surface instead of buried under breast tissue
it gets to show off! Same thing happens when using a three hole punch!!!!!!!!
Who knows what other delights I have yet to discover! People who don't
know me will wonder how I got such developed chest muscles when the rest
of me is well how shall I put it .a
wee bit softer!!!!!!!!
I go see the oncologist next Wednesday so I will still get to see him
before I leave for Vegas. They first made the new appointment for March
9 and I was thinking that was a whole extra month! Geez, am I ever satisfied?
First, I am apprehensive that I have to go see him so soon and then I
am apprehensive that I can't! Okay, I am now glad to be seeing him next
week!
Hair report - Looks like it should be easy to have a messy hairstyle
when it grows in as the growth pattern seems to have quite the swirl pattern
going on. I can catch enough between my fingers to actually twist a bit!
Feels more like hair now when you brush it backwards. Looks the same though.
Had to pluck my eyebrows again under the arch. Be nice when it grows in
the eyebrow line instead of where it is not wanted!
A fun thing has happened. My retail website was just posted on a website
devoted to my old high school in Michigan. Waterford Kettering, Class
of 1965. As a result I am now corresponding with the exchange student
we had from Finland that year and a woman who now lives in Vegas and had
breast cancer two years ago and we are meeting for lunch at my hotel when
I get there!
So much work to do but am trying to teach myself to take it in small
doses and to not overdo! I must watch my health from now on - can't waste
my second chance at life! If I could just get the diet thing under control!
Perky boobs and thin???????? No one would ever speak to me again! I'll
settle for being less pleasingly plump, thank you very much! Never been
thin, don't expect to be now at this stage of the game. As I am moving
around more and becoming much more active I feel things will begin to
improve in that department, too. Been fairly sedentary these last seven
months!
I know I do go on about my garden but was walking around this morning,
looking at all the flower buds that will be opening soon. Makes me realize,
once again, how gardens reinforce the idea of the circle of life. No matter
what, gardens renew themselves as does all life. I have vowed to spend
more time out there now. I love it, it makes me feel good to be out there
and it is a known fact that gardeners live longer! Jennifer just told
me that fact and I know it has to be true. Gardeners are never done -
they have to live longer!
February 13 - You can now call me Cat Woman! Now the fur is half
way across my face! I was putting on my make-up this morning and dusted
on the loose powder and .Horrors! ..there it was! The powder
just showed it up nicely! Needless to say I got all that powder off in
a hurry! Again, it only shows up when the light is just right but .Cat
Woman I am! Now, I do remember asking for more hair but I guess I should
have more specific. I really did mean just on my head!
I swear, that port scar is going to drive me crazy. It now feels, again,
like the inner sutures are trying to work their way up and out like they
did last time. It just plain hurts. Not major pain, just enough to be
uncomfortable and very annoying. I see the general surgeon on Tuesday
and Dr. J on Friday so someone will be able to tell me when this will
calm down. The soreness is still there from the liposuction but really
is finally beginning to lessen. I find I am sleeping more on my back now
than I used to because nothing gets squashed! The implant scars do not
hurt at all, as a matter of fact there is no feeling there on the outside,
only when they get smushed do I feel anything.
Had company today and they haven't seen me since before all this happened.
They said I looked no different at all except that I had red hair that
wasn't mine! She is a retired nurse and agreed that it is twofold when
someone sees me for the first time since finding out I was ill (you know
I don't like that word since the cancer never made me ill, I had surgery
and chemo which did make me ill for a while but I was never ill from cancer,
so, what was I???????? Maybe attacked by cancer is a better word!!!!!!!!)
that I really do look and feel just fine. They are glad I am okay but
very glad, too, to see you can come out of this attack (yes, I like that
word), not be devastated and able to get on with your life.
Next week will be a whirlwind week. See my accountant on Monday for Taxes,
general surgeon on Tuesday to check the mastectomy scars for any sign
of returning cancer (it usually happens during the first year if it is
going to), the oncologist on Wednesday to see how my blood looks as far
as cancer cells are concerned, am free on Thursday, see Dr. J on Friday
to check implants and scarring and leave for Vegas on Saturday! I still
have to get stuff ready for Vegas but not a ton left to do, thank heavens.
I can do stuff in my room at the hotel if I have to. I will get enough
rest during next week to stay energized for my Vegas work week. Also getting
ready to go to teach in Knoxville in March and have begun write magazine
articles again (not crazy deadlines though!) so feel I am getting back
on the road to full recovery! I will enjoy life more this second time
around!
One more week of writing and you all will get a break while I am in Vegas!
I would imagine after I report on how I got through that week and how
I felt, that I will cut down on my journal entries. I know I said that
before and didn't do it but I really think I will after Vegas.
Photo of the week is C.A.T. in a pile of leaves. She really is a pretty
cat but looks a bit possessed in the photo. She was in "attack mode"
with that leaf pile. Her really gorgeous feature is her tail which you
cannot see. It is as big and full as a raccoon's tail! She is very soft
(real cat fur!) and she doesn't shed!!!!!!!!! What a lovely cat!
As always, good health and happiness to you all!
Margot a.k.a. Cat Woman, Perky Polly, Keeper of the Perky Twins and Thankful
Thelma!
After reading through the updates, if you have any questions please email
me